Satire

Tomorrow President Obama will meet with other world leaders in Copenhagen, Denmark, in order to sign a resolution intended to slow the global trend of rising temperatures. This legislation proposes drastic measures taken to reduce carbon dioxide emissions by setting up a cap and trade system. However audacious a proposal, it is highly illogical to suggest that any country is able to meet these goals set by the United Nations. In addition, recent preoccupation with carbon dioxide emissions fails to address a far more dangerous member of the greenhouse gases that proves to 25 times more effective than this over hyped lightweight at raising global temperatures over a 100 year period. The gas of which I am speaking is methane, which has experienced a 150% increase in emissions since 1750. Unlike carbon dioxide, this gas has a localized source that is easily cut off by actions taken in Copenhagen.

Livestock accounts for nearly 37% of worldwide human emissions of methane, a staggering number given the relative unimportance of the agricultural sector in reference to GDP. Whereas industry, the primary sector affected by carbon dioxide regulations, makes up 19.2% of the economy of the United States, agriculture, of which a portion includes livestock and dairy, makes up 1.2%. In addition, farming and fishing only employs .6% of the workforce. Needless to say, regulations on methane would avoid much of the controversy surrounding whether action taken to counter global warming would affect the economy and raise unemployment.

For these reasons, I find it highly reasonable that all livestock be slaughtered within the next 2 years, including those that are used for purposes other than meat processing. Undoubtedly, this goal is far more attainable than the treaty proposed by the UN in Copenhagen and includes virtually no loopholes or ambiguity. Over time the agricultural sector will be replaced by less outdated and more practical forms of occupation, and nutrition will be met in other ways, many of which have already been developed by modern food chemists. All that needs to be done is every citizen of the United States needs to consume one pound of meat a day for the next two years. Vegetarians, although initially in opposition to this proposal, may continue with the knowledge that in two years their ideals of universal support for their cause will be met.