Oprah tells me so

This past October, an Oprah episode featured twenty-three-year-old unemployed father Greg Smith with Angela Montez, an Indiana store clerk he had held at gunpoint in an attempt to rob her empty store, in their first interview together since the incident. What's notable about the pair is that the former, initially with every intention of robbing the cash advance store, is now in prison owning up to the event after it ended with his turning the gun over to Ms. Montez and joining her for a long moment of prayer. "She made me feel comfortable," he says. "She made me feel something I'd never felt before."
In an individual interview, Montez relays their story modestly, explaining how she told him that he was "too good" to be doing what he was doing, and asking him what had driven him to it. After a series of this questioning, Smith had come to his knees, handing her the bullet and confessing that, "No one [had] ever talked to [him that way] before." As a result, his entire outlook on life is forever changed. He's become "The Praying Armed Robber," with one of the most beautiful and heartfelt apologies I've ever heard in my sixteen years sharing a home with the one of the world's greatest Oprah fans. All he needed was someone to listen to him.
Anything needs attention, a hormonal teenager, a flower, a cow—right before posting this my dad showed me a New York Times article about cows that receive attention producing more milk. Because of this innate necessity to be heard we experience things like the Mommy Effect, where someone sees their mom or someone else they have a close relationship with after a bad day and have to cry. It's also the underlying cause of drunk dialing; without that filter of sobriety, people follow their natural instincts, which include talking. And when no one is physically present or those who are are otherwise unable to listen, people find new means of communication. Whether we're in an emotional state for reasons of intoxication, or because of a recent falling out with someone, or due to a non-refrigerator-door-worthy test grade, we depend on the sense of stability that comes from having someone willing to listen to us.
What we have trouble understanding is how to be on the receiving end of these conversations, being the listener. And what we don't always recognize is the power in two heads instead of one alone. When a friend or family member or stranger with a gun pointed at you is thinking emotionally, what they need more than anything is for someone else to think logically and ethically on their behalf. They need the Voice of Reason to tell them that they are above robbery; or that the boy they had a crush on was a little funny-looking, anyway; or to remind them that they're really exceptional in Spanish, if not always in Chemistry.
And really, anyone that's been in this kind of situation-- where you feel so icky and hopeless about something you feel like you could rob a Cash-N-Go, or something of similar senselessness (which is everyone)-- can testify to the fact that that's sometimes all you need to hear. All that's necessary are the little cliches in your conversation here and there to remind you that someone is in fact listening. Because a lot of the time, you're the only one that's going to understand the situation and yourself well enough to come up with an appropriate solution. Discussing it is really just a matter of organizing your thoughts, and the most sure-fire way of doing that is to vocally express them. And that requires another person, whether that be Buddha or Dear Abby or the quiet kid at your lunch table. The quality of advice that someone is able to offer is much less significant than the mere act of attention. Which is why needing a listener extends to non-emotional circumstances. My self-employed mother, as an example, spends the majority of some of her weekdays working at home. And the dog loves her so much more than anyone else in the house because she actually talks to her when it's just the two of them at home. I'm not going to pretend that my mom can't be a little cooky, and I'm definitely not disregarding the fact that she's one of the more talkitive people I've ever known, but she's not totally unique in just needing to talk on the phone, or to the dog, or to whichever child gets home first.
So you've lent me your ear, presumably for the most part (even though my topic is way more subjective than the controversial kind Mr. Logsdon had in mind). And the moral of the story is simply to keep it up. Likewise, it's to let yourself be heard. Not to let yourself or anyone around you get to the point where they have to scare the toes off a sweet store clerk lady. Expressing oneself does not signify weakness; and I'm honestly worried too many people think of it that way. Speaking personally, I see myself as so much stronger because there are people in my life that will let me text them seven-page stories, or call and interrupt their homework time so that I can whine and complain and do what I need to do to get whatever's stressing me out out of my system. And I am certainly more than happy to donate time to let people that are important to me do the same if they need to. What we need is to create this circle of listeners so that no one lowers themselves or submits to anything that they don't deserve. And everyone will be much better off.


Oprah interview: Montez and Smith
http://www.oprah.com/media/20091023-tows-pray-armed-robber

Gayle King, Oprah radio interview: Montez
http://www.oprah.com/media/20091022-radio-gayle-king-robbery

Intervention: Sylvia
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGFdw5ax-i0&feature=related

Article: “Astonishing Moment”
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1222022/Astonishing-moment-armed-robber-breaks-tears-prays-victims-forgiveness.html

New York Times Magazine: “Cows With Names Make More Milk”