Holloway-inspired satire

I’m sure you all remember the year Henry Clay put expensive cameras all around the school. I’m sure you all remember the outrage, the scandal, the anger. I am here to inform you that all of that could have easily been avoided. Lets take a look at the problem at hand; skipping. Wasn’t the whole point of the cameras to prevent skipping? Do they prevent skipping? No, unless the cameras have lasers on them that I don’t know about, they don’t prevent skipping, all they do is get the person’s picture. Big deal, that’s about as useful as wings on a hippo.
My proposal, on the other hand, would completely eliminate skipping. It came to me one day when I was sitting in Mr. Holloway’s class and he was talking about immigration.
“"Instead of building walls or putting more police around the border, just put some land mines! That'll stop them!"
After thinking what he said over, I thought to myself- why stop there? Why not implement the same strategy at Henry Clay? Instead of worrying about skippers, we could all sleep better at night knowing that all Henry Clay students are safe and sound in their classes.
Now, some of you may be thinking that blowing up students might not be a good idea, but don’t worry. We won’t be blowing up that many students! After the first couple skippers hit the land mines, the rest will fall into line. Yes, school is boring, but is getting out really worth it?
Yes, killing students is bad, but what’s a few deaths when we have the prospect of zero skippers before us, gentlemen? After all, these aren’t innocent students we’re talking about, these are hardened criminals. They are skippers, and their skipping days are over.