I Had to Hold the Gatorade

Laziness is a trait carried by many people in the Academy. I am one of many people. Not only have I been too lazy to ever follow through with a New Year's Resolution; I have been too lazy to even come up with one. All the thinking and planning and organizing disparate thoughts and ideas into a clear goal using only brain power... it sounds so unappealing. I would rather sleep or jump out of interesting things. These acts require almost no thought, depending on the interesting thing. But I can forsee a future where this would be a problem, and where there are sex robots and laser cats. So, I have devised my first ever New Year's Resolution: to begin focusing my mind towards my 2011 brainstorming for coming a 2012 Resolution.

This may strike some as procrastination, similar to forgetting about an unnamed internet-based literary assignment until thirty minutes before its midnight due date, and then writing something with all the enthusiasm of Sarah Palin's speech coach ("no, Sarah, it's not pronounced Ji-boot-ee-giggle"). That is simply not the case. Look around at the other essays on this blog! Do those resolutions seem like they've had two years of careful over planning? No! They are no doubt reasonable and achievable; I will not fall into this same trap. By spending the next two years formulating the general beginnings of a "plan," I'll be more then ready to begin the two months I will spend on a truly epic resolution. It's not like anyone every actually reaches their New Year's goals, no matter how low the bar is set; I might as well fail attempting something awe-inspiringly impossible.