The Problem with Hot Student Teachers

My author, Simon Rich, takes a surprisingly casual approach to his writing. He uses dialogue and anecdotes (which may or may not be real) to make his points. For example, by exaggerating the President's concern with student protests, we understand that the President in fact could not care less. Through Rich's anecdotes, we come to realize that a lot of people couldn't care less. And that's what I like about Rich. He's sarcastic, and he shoots down this I-am-amazing-and-people-constantly-pay-attention-to-me mentality that so many people have adopted. And sometimes Rich just likes to poke fun at circumstances that happen to everyone--like situations where small talk goes horribly wrong (oh. You did see the game? Oh, the ball hit your son in the face? He's in critical condition where?) or how teenagers always find out if their parents are reading their diaries or not. It's a funny, easy read, but created so cleverly that I'll hardly be doing it justice in a recreation.

The Problem with Hot Student Teachers

A lot of the time, the first days of teaching a class can be a little daunting to student teachers. Not only do they come to realize they're working with students who don't pay attention in general, but if they're attractive, the class's attention span decreases dramatically.

Teacher: Ok, class....good morning. I hope everyone is doing well. Um, this is actually my first day; I hope I don't let you guys down. But you know what they say, hehe: those who can, do, and those who can't, teach!

silence from the class

Teacher: (coughs) Ok, class, today we'll be...

Student 1: (whispering) Ok. He's hot.

Student 2: (whispering) Oh, I know, right? Totally a fan.

Student 1: How long do you think he'll be teaching?

Student 2: I don't know. When did he get here?

Student 1: I have no idea. How long have we been in this class?

Teacher: Excuse me, ladies, what's the square root of this integer?

Student 1: 13. (whispers) What's the square root of HIS integer? (snickers.) Am I right?

Student 2: No. Maybe next time, though.

Teacher: Ladies. Are you paying attention? This is very useful stuff, you're gonna need to know this.

Student 2: Know what?

Teacher:......square roots? Haven't you guys been studying this with your teacher for the past three weeks?

Student 1: What?!

Teacher: Yeah, you guys should have been to complex roots by n---

Student 2: You're hot.

Teacher: What was that?

Student 2: Nothing.

"Hey, Could You Stay After Class? I Need to Speak With You..."

The HCHS Academy students' mentality can be a little much for teachers sometimes, especially this feeling of self-entitlement.

Teacher: Miss Matveeva, I understand you worked really hard on this paper. But I just can't give you higher than a B on the assignment.

Student: What?! But I spent sixteen hours on this. I'm running on two and a half hours of sleep! As a matter of fact, I've spent over thirty hours this week on this class alone!

Teacher: But....I'm gonna be honest. This paper isn't very good. At all.

Student: With all due respect, what part of thirty hours did you not understand?

Teacher: You're missing about thirty periods, and it looks like the third page was cut off after your explanation of the Earth's orbit around the sun. And by the way, the essay was supposed to be on your favorite painting---

Student: Were you in an academy at your school? Do you have any idea what's it like to be constantly beleaguered by those who think they're better than you are?!

Teacher: Yes. Yes I do.