Claudia :)

I remember when I was little and the word “goal” meant nothing more than finding a way to slip a black and white ball past a goalie. I miss that feeling, the naïve, simplistic notion that my whole life is ahead of me, it felt so good. I felt excited, liberated, eager to move on. Now? Thinking about all those years ahead of me, I have come to realize just how many opportunities and possibilities beckon me, ones I never dreamed existed as a child. It seems a Herculean task to decide on the best of roads to take, and how most worthwhile to fill the time ahead of me. Now, instead of feeling exhilarated, I’m scared out of my socks.
If I had to choose some aspirations to call my goals, I’d say one of them is to be a pediatrician. I would also love to travel the world, become a well rounded individual, and improve my ping-pong game. I wish I could say more about my long term goals, but I can’t. I find that if I think too much about them, my decisions and actions become exponentially less me. So many different opinions, expectations, and voices fight for dominance that I find mine to be almost completely drowned out. So I focus on little goals. Get through the day, ace my math quiz, and on and on I go.
As for what I would improve on from the year just passed, my answer is pretty generic, work harder so I can get better grades. Hopefully it will happen this year.
Over the summer I went to France, and we went to the island of Mont St-Michel, which is only an island for half the day, during high tide. We went during low tide, and everywhere around the island was a huge expanse of beach. Other than that, nothing. Just sand as far as the eye could see. It reminded me so much of the years ahead of me and my uncertain goals, that feeling of blankness, or an area or stretch of time so big that it seems impossible to fill, but then, sure as sunrise, high tide came in and filled every inch of that enormous space. I only hope that I can do the same.


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